Sorry I've been abusing my blog by being away and not writing.
I had inspiration this night of what I want to write.
I actually have two posts unfinished in my drafts, I might post other one if I ever end up finishing it.
So my topic of what I wanted to write about in here. I watched a movie, it came from tv.
Only reason I watched it was the actors in it. First Scarlett Johansson, then there's also Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem and Rebecca Hall. I did not know what to expect, just seen few commercials on tv that it's coming. Seemed like a romatic drama ors.
And most amazing thing was that I really really liked the movie. I usually don't go for that types of movies, and well the fact that I liked the cast was bonus. But even if they would've casted people I don't know I would've liked it. Plot was interesting and not boring, even tou the beginning didn't seem so good, but it got better.
Most of all what got me was Christina's character. Her view of love and life in general was really alike to mine. And I thought during the movie like "oh my god that's so me!" .. Like I'm really hard person to be in a relationship with. And I need this weird space and I cannot just be with one person or I feel suffocated. And for me, I'm not jealous type of person. At least in relationship, all I need is trust and open mind. And not many have that. Anyways, I'll recommend that movie to anyone who wants to take a different kind of look into love and life.
And the other thing that hit me while I was watching that movie, was my restless feeling.
I'd LOVE to just drop evertything and move to a other country for a summer or year and just have fun and experience things and then pack my bag again and move to a next place. I don't want to settle in one place, and my heart craves to get the fuck out of here. But no money, no .. .. place to go. and well, I have cat(s) so it wouldn't work that well. Anyways I'd just love to travel around and not to worry when I need to get home ors.
I'm afraid that I just get stuck into Finland forever.
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In other news, if you haven't notice from my 'Find Cakey' -page, I have second blog dedicated to my Farrelleto fic, and if you're patient you might find a new short fic from there soon ;)
First I want to apologize if my texts doesn't make any sense or I'm being more weird and bouncy than usual.
I'm super tired at the moment and my thoughts are going up and down on the rollercoaster of my mind.
Also one problem is that I don't know where to start, since some of the stuff has nothing to do with the uh, other stuff. (wow, I'm so verbally talented that I might swoon)
If I'll start from last night. I was up and hungry, so I decided to make some food. And I always try to keep volume down the best I can. And it was like between 0:30-1:00 am, I was making some fried eggs. And then Marko (mom's guy) comes from their room and is like "What are you doing?" I'm like "uh... ... making food.. ?" "You know people are trying to sleep here." "yeah well, uh ... I don't have volume button on the stove, if I could be more silent I would be. It won't last long" I was annoyed at that point. It takes, what less than 10 mins to cook fried egg and it gets on his nerves.
I was polite, when I really wanted to yell at his face
"Sorry last time I checked there's no volume button on stove, and if it annoys you so fucking much why don't you take your stuff and go to sleep in your own fucking house, I bet there's no sound at all. I'm not complaining about all the annoying thing you do!"
Because since mom met this guy, last years December. they clicked instantly and like within a week the dude's pretty much living in our place. And if he cannot handle my nightly noises, which I try to always keep down, then go to your own fucking house! So annoyed. But he's cool & on my Top 5 of all the guys mom has dated.
So after I had calmed my feeling with good food and had been quiet for a while, I went to watch Friends for the rest of the night. I've been watching like almost two seasons in three days now (3rd & 4th)...
And in the morning my bad luck continued. Oh and if it's not obvious, I stayed whole night up. Mom got up and was watching news and then she looked me, the way I can notice from far away. It's NEVER good look. It's one of those "You should do *this and this* to your life and be an responsible adult :|" ...
Well it started liked this;
"Did you clean the cats litter box?" "Yeah, I did. .... Oh! And the litter ran out." After that it escalated pretty quickly to the areas I dislike to discuss about.
"You should really get a job" "*sigh* ... well yeah I know!" "Because we don't have any money, and you should get job so you'll get money and then start buying things" At that point I stopped her, I was feeling furious "So I'll be paying like a RENT?!" "No no no... *slowly shaking head* I mean like thing for the cats: litter, food, I can't provide us all.. " "No! It IS, because why don't you just set an amount of money that I must pay every month so you can buy things for our family! *huh!?*" "Well that'll work" Then she just stood up and left me there, I was so fucking furious and annoyed and IDK!!!!!! That I could've just punch her stupid face and told her that when I get job, I WILL also get an apartment so she'll don't have to see my sorry ass face anymore in HER house. (Great now I'm furious again, just by thinking that.)
It REALLY hurts when mom brings up things like that. It's like more pressure to me so now it's not just mom's task but also mine to provide this family. So uuuhhh... great.
I know she also means good when she's telling me to get job and finish my drivers license and all other bunch of stuff, but it feels so shitty and I get freaking super anxiety from that that I just wanna curl into a ball and disappear from the freaking planet and idk... ... I just can't. Because I feel like I'm the biggest loser of the century. It's hard to be the first/oldest kid of 'near family', everyone's expecting me to be a fucking living miracle. ....
Awesome and now I feel depressed and... ... just .. fuck this.
Thank god I had therapy today. I was able to talk stuff again.
Great now I managed to get on a happy mood again n__n Yes! (see, this is my basic emotional rollercoaster of the day)
Well yeah, those things sucked. But I had good things in my day as well! Like I said I went to therapy.
And at morning I managed to almost do a tote bag (... much bigger than I originally planned), that I've been planning to do for months now. I sewed it almost to the end. I still need to sew the handles on their correct places. So after I'm done that I can take a pic for you guys, and maybe tell a bit more.
And I bought today more of those ProFell products I told you guys about in my training -post. I uh.. Been kind of able to hang on my goals so far. Only thing that I'm not able to (yet) control is my eating. I JUST LOVE TO EAT, okay? .... Well when I get enough motivated I can start controlling it.
But yeah, the Profeel stuff.. The Coffee flavoured milk based protein drink was one of the most terrible things that I have willingly drank. I'm so happy I only had one! But the quarc-cottage cheese thingies were really tasty! And now I have rest of the products to test (quarc and yoghurt) . And I also bought some Gouda -cheese, it's one of my fave cheese's and it's not that unhealthy, and it has also good proteins, and of course calcium! (I don't get enough calcium on my daily basis) And then I craved for some good fruits, so for a change I took some pomelo's, I like them more than grape's and other citrus fruits. Since it's sweeter than grape so it doesn't need that extra layer or sugar when I eat it!
I'm also proud that I really wanted to buy like candies (especially I'm having feels for chocolate atm), nor anything sweet! Well I did buy vanilla sugar (for baking ofc, DAA!)
And then when I got home I made Vanilla pudding (Or I think it was a bit like between pudding & kissel) .. I've craved for that for weeks now! I was annoying (but easy) to make, and when they had finally cooled down and I was able to eat them, it wasn't good. I took lie maybe few teaspoonfuls of it and that's it. And I let mom & my lil sis eat the rest, they liked it.
I'm gonna try to make a new batch tomorrow... ... if it's any better.
I'm going insane with my cravings for different foods, but I try my best to ignore them, or eat something healthier instead. I still eat too much (in my opinion).
Uh, other good thing today. It made me feel really good and proud of myself and I felt that I've finally done at least something for my life! Moved one step further, ors... idk.
Well I called to this one lady whom I was agreed that I'll give call today, and make plans for her Partylite evening. And she seemed really nice and she has had these partied before and well it just made me feel really productive that I was finally able to find a person whom likes to have a Partylite evening.
And then I made plans with my mom that when she's having her parties.
I'm pretty exited (in good and bad!) to have these parties to host once again! I need to just get my self updated on what's going on :'D It's been probably almost a year since I last had party to host. (Well really I'm not the host, I'm uh... the presenter of the pretty things)
Oh... I just realized I have probably never mentioned in here that I'm Partylite consultant, I've been almost 2 years. I waited for years to get in age of 18, so I can become consult. Before that my mom was, but she don't do that anymore.
Now I can see you wonder what is this 'Partylite' I'm talking about. Well long story short; If you know the concept of Tupperware -parties, same thing, but instead of Tupperware stuff I have Partylite stuff, which is Candles, And decorations. I personally love this stuff, but it's pretty expensive |D So when I'm consult I have perks!
If you're interested, take a look at here, or ask more from me :)
(well wasn't that a nice salesman speak, oops)
ummmhh.. what else what else...
OH! I've (again) fallen in love with instrumental music! I just AH.. My ears melt of while I listen all this gorgeous music, my latest playlist here. I'm especially in love with Lindsey's music. So pretty...
And I've been listening a lot of Poets Of The Falls, I've been their fan for years! And been in 3-5 of their gigs, I would've go to one that's in two weeks really near to me, but since I'm so freaking young I can't get there (I cursed a lot and yelled when I found out that instead of the normal 18, it was 22!!).. So uh, I have to wait till December so I can get to the other gig (it's in Helsinki.) .. I was at the same gig last year :'D
And still back to the job -subject. I've been thinking now really seriously to actually go and apply into Finnkino (movie theater chain) and/or into Makuuni (video rental chain)... I've listed pro's and con's in my head for both places XD .... I'll keep you posted if I manage to do something, or if I just chicken out.
Okay, lastly. Tinker has found a new 'hot spot' where to sit when she's not sleeping, eating or being out of Einari's reach. She think it's funny to sit on top of my Thor! Even when I'm leaning to him, she goes and sit's on top of his head! #ThisIsNotAcceptable
~Cakey
I'm sorry, too lazy to get my text any 'highlights' ors. AND I still need movie for next Monday :)
And now because of the title somebody's gonna be confused.
Well This will be my4th Movie Monday, as in the normal tradition I started.
And the Movie Monday #58 is from the Finnish blog, and my contribution to it.
I think I'll start with that, so the assignment was to describe the
"Perfect conditions to watch movie",
as in like, do you enjoy watching movies rather alone, with someone, in theaters, maybe in your bed etc.
I found this subject interesting, and for some odd reason I still haven't done any of the weekly challenges from that blog. So this is my first one.
At very first I totally hated going to movies, as in theaters. All alone, I always needed company with me. Well I still wish that I would have it, but now I have find it rather nice to go alone in movies. And I'd rather sit apart from others, I find it extremely anxious if I need to sit next to, not to even mention between two strangers.
If I could choose one place where to watch movies, I'd say theater. Because they usually look the best on big screen with high quality sounds. And most of the theaters have nice seats, they could add more space for legs tou! But the tickets are ridiculously expensive, thank god they now have gotten cheaper at day. That's why I usually have now start to go on movies at day time. It's also nice and quiet usually by day when everyone's at school/work. I nicely managed to slip from my subject #OOPS.
But nothing wins having a nice movie night at home, and you can pause the movie and take breaks without losing a moment. And well basically you have the power to control how to watch a movie.
Especially now that we have better tv and better, pretty much everything. And I have seen the difference between DvD and Blu-Ray! I like to watch movies home. I just wish that our sofa would be more comfty.
And snacking during movies. I'm quite divided to have two totally different opinions on that and habits.
I dislike eating anything that makes sound in movie theaters, And idk I just don't find it a habit anymore, I used to! And now I have even changed sodas to mineral waters. Occasionally I might get candy to there, but rarely anymore. And then when I'm at home, I have like a freaking buffet of everything that I even slightly might crave, and I tend to eat while watching movie.
But I don't always eat during movie, if it's one of those movies that I love and it keeps my attention on grasp during the whole time I don't eat, but it it's even a bit boring I start to snack anything on my reach.
I think I just scratched the company one. Well I like to watch movies with people. But I enjoy most to watch them alone, so there's no one who might get my attention to escape from movie. And oh god how I hate those whom ask during a movie "Who's that? Why did it do like that? Oh god, what's gonna happen? I don't get this, what lnfvkln???" I HATE that, then I just reply "Watch the fucking movie, PAY ATTENTION!" or "It will be explained" or then I just reply quickly. That's one of the reasons why I like watching movies alone.
Oh and almost forgot, the 'timing' when I watch movies. I prefer to watch movies around 8pm-5am. That's my ideal movie time. But it's not always acceptable, since I still live at home. But when I have occasion I just watch movies whole night. And like I mentioned at very start, day time screenings at movie theater. In a nutshell: Home, Alone, Possibly with food, At Night.
I admit it, I bought this movie finally because of Liam.
Well to be honest, it wasn't original reason. Kind of... Well if start at the very beginning?
I remember when this was about to come out, umh 2010? yes. And there were all these trailers and I remember thinking that I might actually want to see that.
And that there was some nice handsome looking guy in there.
Can you imagine the shock I got when I recently found out that it was Liam. No, you can't.
I also have to confess that I really hope that I was asked to write about this movie, or from The Expendables 2. Hih~
But now I'm feeling quite blank and have nothing in mind what to actually say. #Oops
Well I think that Miley is not actor, I just don't like her. And I've never been much into her music neither, but the them song of this movie "When I look at you" I actually good, or I at least grew to like it, and surprise surprise it's by Miley. Here, it's the official version, so I think it's also kind of mini-trailer for the movie :'D haha.
I think for me this goes to my category; Guilty Pleasure.
It was good, but really I just dislike Miley. I really have nothing against her, I mean she is nice girl, but something in her face annoys me. Maybe it's because she has so round face ors... I don't know, but does it really matter? No, exactly.
For some odd reason I like these partly clishé movies that goes just the same. And I admit that it would be cool to accidentally bump onto ridiculously handsome guy who fells in love with you. And blah~
And oddly, I don't know if I'm the only one (most likely not). But these movies makes me really sad, and empty inside. Well I know why it has been like that for now, but I'd rather not talk about it atm.
After I first watched this movie few days back, I was assuming I'd feel like happy and warm inside, because it'll be cute movie that makes my mind soar in happy fields. But quite opposite.
I just felt super empty and destroyed, and I just wanted to cry. I didn't cry.
Even thought the movie had happy ending (I hope I'm not spoiling too much by saying that).
Second time wasn't that bad.
I think I partly could relate to that movie, well like not exactly and fully, but tiny part of me. Well tiny part of me always tries to relate to any movie I'm watching. But the idea.
Second time I watched this with my mom like few days later I had seen it. Since I knew she likes that genre of movies. She enjoyed it.
I feel that I've said everything in mind about this.
In general; It is really cute movie. I enjoyed it. 3½ Stars. Warning: You might need a cuddling buddy during/after this movie. :)
~Cakey
P.s. -- Next week's Movie Monday, we'll be Assembling the Avengers ;) So I don't need movie recommendation to next week. Also; Yesterday I watched two movies in a row, First Eden Lake and then The Soloist. Two totally different kind of movies. And in Eden Lake there were Kelly Reilly (Mary Watson, from Holmes) and Michael Fassbender (Magneto form First Class) it was weird to see them together in so different kind of movie, it was horror/thriller movie. And Michael's characters name was Steve.
Then in The Soloist, RDJ's characters name was also Steve. I just laughed so much for this when I realized it during the movie. And Jamie Foxx's characters name was Nathaniel Anthony blablahbla..smt. And all I could think rest of the movie was Tony x Steve... Because name 'Steve' is forever and always now on Captain America. I had fun... Even tou either of those movies wasn't so good.
Yes, you're getting not only one, but two post today!
I was thinking that I need to rant my feels out because no one ever comments my post *boo-hoo*
So I had an epiphany!
It also kind of brings life to my original blogging idea!
But I need your help. (yes, you who are reading this)
I'm gonna start doing this "Rating a movie" once a week. And you can choose what movie it is.
It can be from my own movies, or you can throw me any movie, if I have seen it. And if I haven't I'll try my best to find it and see it.
And I'll be writing my feels and opinions of that particular movie.
You can toss me more than one. But at this point I'm not waiting to get tons of these |D
Oh and, I'm doing my reviews either Sunday or Monday from now on.
So comment in this post (you don't need to have account to comment, and you can stay anon if you wish) and leave a movie in here! :)
I have lost count of how many times I have been already almost started to write about at least one of these subject. And now I'm finally doing it. Because it requires this shitty mood I'm in. So I'm giving a huge angst and rant warning. And I can't promise that this will make sense to all of ya.
As some of you guys probably know that I have been diagnosed to have depression and insomnia. And now finally it was officially diagnosed that I'm bipolar, I've know this for long myself.
I'll start with Crying, because that subject has haunted me since I started this blog.
For me there is nothing more harder thing to deal with. Crying is that one thing that I do not do. I forbid it, I'm not allowed to cry. It's weak and pathetic.
That's how I have felt about it as long as I can remember, and it means from age 4-5. But my rational side knows that it's okay to cry, everyone needs to cry. It's far away from being weak. But in this my emotional side takes control and forbids it.
Most horrible situation it is that if someone SEES me (or hears) crying.
I spent many years without shedding a tear. But then finally came the day when I broke. Can you even imagine how it feels when you have been locking all those tears for +10 years? Then there was a short phase when I cried myself sleep almost every night.
And when I started to get anxiety attacks they involved crying, along with other things. Then when it eased a bit, I literally couldn't cry. I wanted to, but I couldn't and I have no idea what happened. Because every time I felt tears getting in my eyes and feeling that hotness in my face (u know what I'm talking 'bout?) and when normally tears start to fall, I shed one tear and after that it felt like acid in my eyes, it was burning and smarting, so I couldn't actually cry. And there were no more tears left to shed. It was a fucking nightmare.
After those phases and when my anxiety attacks has clearly decreased, I'm back in denying and forbidding myself from crying.
But I have need to cry once in a while. And then I watch some movie that gets me 100% weep and cry my eyes out. Also this has changed from past.
I didn't cry at all for fictional characters, nor real ones what so ever. Only time it's allowed to die is when someone really close to you dies. And even then I'm holding back all my feelings and tears and keep them inside.
For example, quite recently (during this year) I've faced death twice and lost my rat boys. Brighter side is that I still have one. And when the first one died, he died so suddenly and naturally. He had heart attack, and didn't suffer. I still haven't been able to cry nor mourn his death, I just somehow can't.
But my other rat made me go Niagara Falls. Since we had to take him to the vet and put him down, because his health went so crushing down and he couldn't just left him to suffer, and he was so old that recovering would've been unlikely. And uh... I was there the whole time. (Oh god I really can't write about this again.. ... so here I'll quote my self from my tumblr.)
"Dastan was different, it really hurt me to see him suffer and struggle for the last days. And him lying on vets table, looking so small. My mom couldn’t even stay there when they gave him the anesthetics, it was too much for her. But I stayed , I couldn’t left my boy. I felt responsible to be there, for him. And then finally watching life fade away from him. His body still warm after his heart stopped beating. I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face and my nose running."
It was terrible, and I cried over him for few days. Even now thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
But my 'Crying habits' are still so far away from being okay. My current way is that I deny it and hold it back as long as possible and hope that it goes away, but I can't keep it in and I shed one or two tears that roll down on my cheek and that's it.
Sometimes I wish that I would be able to just cry my bad feelings out and deal like that, instead of doing all this.
Also when if and when I cry, it makes me feel even worse. And I get mad at myself for being such a pussy and weak, & that I had no reason to cry. And then I yell at myself in my head and try to harden up so I wont cry ever again. Because next time, and the only time I'm allowed to cry in when Einari dies. And I have cried that fact too many times already, it will kill me when his time comes. And most likely leads into suicide.
My head feels so fucking numb atm... I don't remember what were other quite related to the same subject things that I needed to write about. Well I'm gonna publish this and then add/edit them here when I remember.
But! This will be my first movie -related post in this blog. I have so much in my mind atm and what I want to write about, but they are all disappearing in the speed of light since I'm so tired.
Fyi; I haven't slept at all and it's 4:20 pm (almost been awake for 24h now). So I apologize if my thoughts run faster than my fingers can type it.
Well before passing out onto the keyboard lets get down to the business!!
I have way too much The Avengers -feelings. And I hardly can keep them in control. I feel like exploding.
So I have been trying to satisfying my feelings by watching all movies that I own that has actors from Avengers.
And, I have quite many. And I just ordered like uh 4 more |D ...
I've fallen in love with both Chris's (I'm still not sure what's the correct from for plural for Chris. So I'll go with Chris's/Chris'es) and well I've always loved Robert Downey Jr. (=RDJ), Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson. I have mixed feeling of Mark Ruffalo being Hulk.
Because there has been three different hulks by now. I hated Bana (and the whole movie). Then there was Norton, which I liked the best. But he is so skinny and idk Ruffalo's teddy bearish kinda charm fits in the Hulk role. But I'm not a fan of Ruffalo's, I just like him as Bruce/Hulk.
Also I never liked Captain America that much. That movie was pretty boring. And you can't see Evans shirtless many times. I just had to have it. But I have grown to like him more (Cap.) in Avengers and in fandom. And because I like Evans in other roles so I've grown to like Cap as well. But I still think the main movie of him is boring. Still I watch it once in a while.
Then Thor. I really didn't think it could be good. I mean c'mon, seriously THOR? But I was really positively surprised when I watched it first time. I liked it instantly! And still do, and I grew to like Hemsworth more and more and now he's a huge sex-symbol (as in "Sex walking on earth") in my eyes and I just drool for this guy! Also I just recently watched Snow White and The Huntsman, where he was so gorgeous and his accent and ;;---;; ALL MY FEELINGS! His little bro Liam is quite hot as well.
I spotted also Renner in the Thor, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him there and I had to go back and take another look :'D!
Hmm I think Ironman is next in the row? I don't remember when the first movie came out. I didn't care, I was onto X-men and all others were just shitty and lame. BUT, then came the first Holmes -movie and I think Ironman 2 was on theaters same time. I haven't liked RDJ before I saw Holmes (I won free tickets to preview) and after that I wanted to SEE ALL RDJ MOVIES. And then I also stumbled across Ironman (obviously) and I love that movie, not just coz of RDJ, he was just super nice bonus on top of all. So he has been my fave avenger from that point. And I got interested in the whole Avengers thing and that's why I also watched all other 'Avenger' movies.
And I loved that Scarlett was in the second Ironman. Now I couldn't imagine anyone else on Black widow's role.
I think I made my opinion of Hulk already pretty clear? Yes. Well I think it's time to move to the subject I gently scratched on the beginning. How I have been consoling my Avengers longing! Well for the record I have seen it three times, all in 3D. And last time was like this week. After that I've been all "Must see Avengers all over again, AGAIN!!!" And it wont be out on DVD till September :( !
So I saw & then bought "What's your number?" ... There's Chris Evans. I'm so hooked on that movie at the moment. I have been watching it quite a lot lately. And when he's on screen he's about half of the time shirtless or more naked.
I recently discovered that The Nanny Diaries has ALSO Evans. I knew it had Scarlett, but Chris too?! I cannot unsee the movie as it should be anymore. It's about Black Widows early years as agent and she needed to study Captain :)
But really I love those movies! And I have just ordered both Fantastic Four's and The Losers, more Chris! ♥ Those are all my Evans movies. And I don't think I have Scarlett in anything else... yet.
Hmmm I think I have lots of RDJ movies, but truth is. I only have Both Sherlock's and Due Date. +Coming from post Zodiac. In there is also Ruffalo. Oh and uummmhh I have The kids are all right and he's there as well. So not so many, unfortunately. And even more sadder is that I have zero movies with Hemsworth in them (I'm not counting the obvious marvel -movies).... But I'll get Cabin in the woods & Snow White when they pop out on DVD!
Then what it comes to Jeremy, I have been fangirling him for 5 years now. I fell in love with him in S.W.A.T. (I originally bought it coz of Colin Farrell). Then I bought The Town because of him.
Oh well I don't even know how many movies I have from Samuel L. Jackson... Well he's in S.W.A.T. and many more.
I think that's pretty much it. BUT I think this is still relevant, kind of..? I've been once again fighting with my hair and having hard time to decide what the fuck to do with it. It grows too fast. It makes it hard to keep short. And multi-colored. So Then it hit me like a lighting from a clear sky! I'm gonna grow Hemsworth -hair! Because I dislike my hair dangling in front of my face. So it'll be nice to bun up to the back. And I miss my old tiny ponytail, so I'd grow it back. This time I'll just tie my front hair to there as well! I'm probably keeping light blonde color, but I'd like to add some shades of brown in there. idk yet. I have hairdresser about in two months so I have time to think. And knowing me I'll change my mind before that and want to cut short hair. But yeah my hair is already 'too long' but too short for my goal, But I can bet that when September starts I have archived it, or I'm really close. Too bad my pic(s) don't show my ponytail properly :(
Also those who like pairings and you know ships things. Be sure to go my tumblr ASAP! And follow me and we can have happily ever after!
I've been spamming SO much all the avengers and pairs.
Especially Tony x Steve = Superhusbands aaannnddd extra to that of course Peter (new spidey) their son :)) I ship almost all pairs, so consider this as a warning.
I post A LOT of half naked guys and hot pics of my flawless cast. (But I'm not _only_ Avengers blog. So everything is possible!) Here have some yummy!
