Side effects

This is quite random post and short one (since I'm on my tablet)
I took my sleeping pills for a looong time yesterday so I could actually sleep the whole night. And I did.
But my *cough* "mild" side effects are always the same:
-I wont wake up.
-I'm "high"
And last but definitely not least, I'm SO hungry.
So I just eat and eat and eat. And the most disturbing is that I can't control it!!
My mind says that I'm hungry all the time and that I must eat, even though my tummy says that it's all full and my rational part of mind knows that I cannot be hungry. But still I kep eating.
So funny these pills.
Oh and that "i wont wake up" -part also includes that i cannot physically get out of the bed. Because all my limbs feel so heavy.
These are just the mild ones. I used to have so much worse side effects when I started with this medication.

Oh my Thor o mighty... ...

I don't get how people understand any of my posts.
Because my writing and grammar sucks so badly. AND! My mind flies so fast that my topics make no sense :'D

For this I'm terribly sorry.

Nothing else this time.

~Cakey

Wandering mind

Idk, it was relevant title like second ago.
Because I couldn't remember what I wanted to write about earlier today (ooops! yesterday is now correct. But I'm still gonna use 'today'-form). I tried to think that hard. And my mind wanders so much and my attention span and memory is alike to my rats.
But, then I DID remember. Idk this post is like having kind of, uh 3½ different topics blend together. Because my mind links somethings together, and then they are relevant to each others., but then it jumps to another and woah that was a crappy explanations.
INTO THE REAL THINGS! (I was supposed to write and not this intro shit)

Yeah so I went to see The Amazing Spiderman with my friend this morning. It was Finland's premier. It was indeed AMAZING! And Idk, I liked Garfield as Peter. But you really can't compare McGuire to him. They are in different league.
When we got there, and went to the hall (..I mean there are different movie halls obviously) and it was one of those that are apart from the others. And there it was, on the wall huge poster of Chris Hemsworth, as The Huntsmen (Snow White). And I knew that theaters don't give them away because they go back to the distributor. (I had ask to get Holmes one when Games of Shadows were playing months ago)
So when the movie ended and my friend needed to use restrooms and I got some time, so I decided to ask from the girl who was collecting 3D glasses back that who is their distributor of their posters so I can contact them and get one. She didn't know so she asked this other guy to there, well I asked same thing from him. And he left to ask/check it from somewhere and I patiently waited.
Then he came back and was like "Well Finnkino (It's the Finland's biggest movie theater corporate chain) is" I was kind of relieved and surprised by this and then I asked that where do I have to ask for this poster? Then he was just like "Well I can take it down for you right now, we're going to chance them soon anyways. I'm just gonna go get the ladders! :)" I think that at this part my ability to speak was gone, because I was concentrating to not shake. And my eyes were more sparkly than Edward Cullen.
Well then he got ladder, took the poster down and went to get some tape so I could actually get it home.
And my friend gave me this "Oh my fucking god Cakey, are you serious? DID THEY REALLY GAVE IT TO YOU 8D" kind of mixed feelings look. While I couldn't stop smiling. I of course thanked the dude for this trouble.
Then I started to think that FUCK I missed Avengers AND Holmes. D: ...! Well I'm going to Helsinki to two different Finnkino's to watch movies on Monday so I can see if there's still some big Avengers posters left c: .. I'd die to get Loki on my wall *Q* !!

It was really really big, here take a look. It's me behind it XD And I think I'm 'normal' height girl. Note also that it's partly lying on the floor.
There was funny thing that happened to me while I was carrying this babe home. I was just got out of the train and walked to the bus stop. And this was rolled up, the back showing (it's white). And then this older male started to talk next to me, about curtains and blinds. First of course I thought he was talking to me, but then I quickly thought that 'nahh' he's probably on the phone. So I didn't pay attention on what he explained. Then when he finished he looked me. And I was a little bit confused and went "T-these aren't curtains" and he looks me "Well, what is it then?" "It's poster" then said something. I don't what and walked farther. He got onto same bus, but didn't talk to me. It was weird experience. It's odd if someone random talks to you in Finland.

So yeah now I'm like trying to still find Avengers poster somewhere, if not. Well next year is full of superhero movies ;)

This wasn't my first thing I got from movie theaters. I have cardboard cut Sherlock & Watson on my wall. From the first movies.I finally like last month got them back on my wall. It's been quite long from last time.
And now smoothly moving to my room~>

So yeah now comes the 'Wonderful room of Cakey' I just haven't done this yet, and it should get it's own post but maybe I'll do muuuuch more deeper post some day (will do, I'm certain). But here is my current room and it's wall ALL updates! +2 old photos, when I just had painted the walls :3 I'm not gonna go any deeper than that. so, PIC TIME!

My closet's door needed a little touch.

And I wanted to have owl painted somewhere

I finally painted these! Lowest still needs color

Quite random inspiration. Maybe adding more later

What I see when I'm on my laptop.

This is now covered w/ Chris.

My fave paintings ♥ Still WIP.

*Phew there* .... ... While I was struggling with how to fit all those son of bitching motherfucker ass pics. I forgot what were the other thoughts I wanted to share. Hmmpf well I guess it wasn't important. Also here's last pic that I didn't want to put with those.
It's THE MOST accurate pic taken of me :'D Also see my lovely bed & stuffed toys that I have in here while I'm on computer XD Seriously if I'd had mini fridge next to my bed I'd have like everything SO close :'D

Now I'm off to sleep, G'nite peeps ♥ Cakey

First ever post made by my tablet.

So I'm not aware if any/some of you guys know that I recetly bought a tablet.
It's Archos 101 G9 quite nice. Took some time to learn how to use it, it still does shitty freezings etc. But I've gotten used to it already.
And now I downloaded the 'blogger' -app to here. It doesn't beat the normal version.
And I'm not a fan of writing with this thing. I mean it IS fun, but I prefer keyboard :'D
I'm gonna write soon a 'real' post !

So till then~ Cakey

Coming soon...

Idk I couldn't make a catchy title. Sorry.

But! This will be my first movie -related post in this blog. I have so much in my mind atm and what I want to write about, but they are all disappearing in the speed of light since I'm so tired.
Fyi; I haven't slept at all and it's 4:20 pm (almost been awake for 24h now). So I apologize if my thoughts run faster than my fingers can type it.

Well before passing out onto the keyboard lets get down to the business!!



I have way too much The Avengers -feelings. And I hardly can keep them in control. I feel like exploding.
So I have been trying to satisfying my feelings by watching all movies that I own that has actors from Avengers.
And, I have quite many. And I just ordered like uh 4 more |D ...





I've fallen in love with both Chris's (I'm still not sure what's the correct from for plural for Chris. So I'll go with Chris's/Chris'es) and well I've always loved Robert Downey Jr. (=RDJ), Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson. I have mixed feeling of Mark Ruffalo being Hulk.
Because there has been three different hulks by now. I hated Bana (and the whole movie). Then there was Norton, which I liked the best. But he is so skinny and idk Ruffalo's teddy bearish kinda charm fits in the Hulk role. But I'm not a fan of Ruffalo's, I just like him as Bruce/Hulk.

Also I never liked Captain America that much. That movie was pretty boring. And you can't see Evans shirtless many times. I just had to have it. But I have grown to like him more (Cap.) in Avengers and in fandom. And because I like Evans in other roles so I've grown to like Cap as well. But I still think the main movie of him is boring. Still I watch it once in a while.


Then Thor. I really didn't think it could be good. I mean c'mon, seriously THOR? But I was really positively surprised when I watched it first time. I liked it instantly! And still do, and I grew to like Hemsworth more and more and now he's a huge sex-symbol (as in "Sex walking on earth") in my eyes and I just drool for this guy! Also I just recently watched Snow White and The Huntsman, where he was so gorgeous and his accent and ;;---;; ALL MY FEELINGS! His little bro Liam is quite hot as well.
I spotted also Renner in the Thor, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him there and I had to go back and take another look :'D!


Hmm I think Ironman is next in the row? I don't remember when the first movie came out. I didn't care, I was onto X-men and all others were just shitty and lame. BUT, then came the first Holmes -movie and I think Ironman 2 was on theaters same time. I haven't liked RDJ before I saw Holmes (I won free tickets to preview) and after that I wanted to SEE ALL RDJ MOVIES. And then I also stumbled across Ironman (obviously) and I love that movie, not just coz of RDJ, he was just super nice bonus on top of all. So he has been my fave avenger from that point. And I got interested in the whole Avengers thing and that's why I also watched all other 'Avenger' movies.

And I loved that Scarlett was in the second Ironman. Now I couldn't imagine anyone else on Black widow's role.


I think I made my opinion of Hulk already pretty clear? Yes. Well I think it's time to move to the subject I gently scratched on the beginning. How I have been consoling my Avengers longing! Well for the record I have seen it three times, all in 3D. And last time was like this week. After that I've been all "Must see Avengers all over again, AGAIN!!!" And it wont be out on DVD till September :( !

So I saw & then bought "What's your number?" ... There's Chris Evans. I'm so hooked on that movie at the moment. I have been watching it quite a lot lately. And when he's on screen he's about half of the time shirtless or more naked.
I recently discovered that The Nanny Diaries has ALSO Evans. I knew it had Scarlett, but Chris too?!  I cannot unsee the movie as it should be anymore. It's about Black Widows early years as agent and she needed to study Captain :)
But really I love those movies! And I have just ordered both Fantastic Four's and The Losers, more Chris! ♥ Those are all my Evans movies. And I don't think I have Scarlett in anything else... yet.


Hmmm I think I have lots of RDJ movies, but truth is. I only have Both Sherlock's and Due Date. +Coming from post Zodiac. In there is also Ruffalo. Oh and uummmhh I have The kids are all right and he's there as well. So not so many, unfortunately. And even more sadder is that I have zero movies with Hemsworth in them (I'm not counting the obvious marvel -movies).... But I'll get Cabin in the woods & Snow White when they pop out on DVD!
Then what it comes to Jeremy, I have been fangirling him for 5 years now. I fell in love with him in S.W.A.T. (I originally bought it coz of Colin Farrell). Then I bought The Town because of him.
Oh well I don't even know how many movies I have from Samuel L. Jackson... Well he's in S.W.A.T. and many more.

I think that's pretty much it. BUT I think this is still relevant, kind of..? I've been once again fighting with my hair and having hard time to decide what the fuck to do with it. It grows too fast. It makes it hard to keep short. And multi-colored. So Then it hit me like a lighting from a clear sky! I'm gonna grow Hemsworth -hair! Because I dislike my hair dangling in front of my face. So it'll be nice to bun up to the back. And I miss my old tiny ponytail, so I'd grow it back. This time I'll just tie my front hair to there as well! I'm probably keeping light blonde color, but I'd like to add some shades of brown in there. idk yet. I have hairdresser about in two months so I have time to think. And knowing me I'll change my mind before that and want to cut short hair. But yeah my hair is already 'too long' but too short for my goal, But I can bet that when September starts I have archived it, or I'm really close. Too bad my pic(s) don't show my ponytail properly :(

Also those who like pairings and you know ships things. Be sure to go my tumblr ASAP! And follow me and we can have happily ever after!
I've been spamming SO much all the avengers and pairs.
Especially Tony x Steve = Superhusbands aaannnddd extra to that of course Peter (new spidey) their son :))
I ship almost all pairs, so consider this as a warning.
I post A LOT of half naked guys and hot pics of my flawless cast. (But I'm not _only_ Avengers blog. So everything is possible!)  Here have some yummy!

Till next time, with 'all these feelings' -Cakey 

What's that smell?!

I was supposed to write yesterday. But I accidentally fell asleep. So I'm writing today :)
I had some topic in my mind yesterday, but I just cannot remember it.
I think it might have been idea of me doing some post about my room ors.
But today I'm gonna post about fragrances, because I've been wanting to do it for a quite a while now :'D
& I'm possibly buying new one today, so it's justifiable.
Now without further blabbering lets get to the topic!

For me scents have always been really, uh important 'piece' of accessory. I got my first own perfume in the age of 12 maybe, I don't remember. But I do remember that it was Morgan's Love. Quite cheap and overly sweet girly one. It was my only one for a long time and I used it only in in parties, and as in party I mean like a normal birthday party or formal events. I still have really tiny amount of it left in the bottle.
Any of my perfumes/fragrances haven't ran out, yet. And if they do I'm gonna keep the bottle!

I usually lent my moms perfumes, because she had all nice and little more expensive ones. Most of them were Escada, I'm quite sad that my favorite Escada ran out and it's manufacturing has stopped. But I think that the new trio collection that has "three old favorites" has it. Which are 'Island Kiss' , 'Sexy Graffiti' & 'Rocking Rio'... I love all of those ♥
It was called 'Pacific Paradise' I think (or 'Moonlight Sparkle' or 'Island Kiss'). I hate when they do bottles a like colored D: ..But! It was the old fashion bottle, not like the new ones.
My first Escada is quite new-ish... Well I mean you can still get it from the stores. It's 'Ocean Lounge' I also have 'Taj Sunset' and 'Absolutely Me'.

I used to have more perfumes than fragrances. And at this point if someone does not know, perfume is for women and fragrance is for men.
But now I have more fragrances. And sometimes when p/f is too expensive I buy the body spray of it, a lot more cheaper! And still same scent ;) But it runs out faster. I've used quite many of them.

Here are my (almost) all bottles & sprays.

Quite a lot, huh? Just realized while watching this pic that few of those darker bottles bled to the dark spray bottles on the back.

Well I think I could list all of them from left to right.
5 Spray bottles on the back: Axe's Dark Temptation, Vice and Instinct. Boss's Bottled. Beckham's Signature (the older one).
Then to the front row that has bottles:
L'Eau D'Issey Pour Homme (Summer 2011). Hugo Boss's Orange, Bottled, Bottled Night and Just Different. Bleu De Chanel. Beckham's Signature (older version). CK's Free. JR's ...? I think It's just called "John Richmond for men/him" I tried to search it's name but, nothing. Puma's Jam. Diesel's Only The Brave, Only The Brave Ironman. Police's To Be. And behind is Espirit's Jeans Style.

And for the Perfumes. I'm not sure where to start, maybe behind Diesel's? Yeah.
There's 'Green Tea' I have NO idea from who, it was some really cheap one, and my second ever!
Next to it Dolce & Gabbana 'Light Blue'. Puma's Red and Animagical. Then there's 3 Escadas, on front 'Absolutely Me' and behind 'Taj Sunset' & 'Ocean Lounge'. Back to front there's Morgan's 'Love Love Sun', and 'Love'. And last but not least Mexx's Pure Life (front) and Fly High.

And this is missing my Axe's Excite, I always carry it in my bag. And Boss Bottled Night, tinier bottle that I have in my room :) OH! And I have unopened & still in plastic CK's Free (yes another).

Quickly counted I have 28 different scents. It looks like so much more.... ... I'm quite horrified it turned out to be so few o___o I need to get at least 2 asap!



 I kinda lost my thoughts.... Because I got food and now my brain feels numb .__. ...Well I'll try to continue this nicely. Because I have bits and pieces of things I still need to add in this post in my head, but in which order :s.

Well My first fragrance was Boss Bottled. I just fell in love with it. Back then I was still quite girly and was dating my ex, who used Axe. And I struggled with the idea of using fragrance. But I ended up buying the body spray version. And since then I have started sniffing and using them, but still I also bought perfumes as well.
Year back when I was having tiny vacation with my girlfriend (current, well back then just BFF) in hotel(slash mall/movie theater/night club/spa etc.) I ended up buying JR and Boss Orange... And I accidentally bought After Shave instead of Fragrance. And of course I couldn't change/return it because I have open the package |D ... But It's okay. It was just really amusing, and annoying to realize it after opening it. I don't remember if it was cheaper than normal. After that I have payed so much more attention to confirm it's not something else XD

My latest addition was Chanel. I had hunted it for a quite a while. I discovered it in Chicago (Oct. 2011), and I should have bough it back there. I would've been so much cheaper than in Finland. And since then I've tried to find it in reasonable price. And finally in Rome (Apr.) I found it and bought it!

My next one that I'd love to get it either Dolce & Gabbana's The One or Armani's Sport Code. Depending how much they cost, I know that DC is ~50€ but I don't know how much Armani is, I have a feeling that it's about same.
My taste in fragrances is quite expensive |D And I'm aware of it. To be honest I don't care of the brand (in anything.) but the good ones just have been known ones. And when I hear that my 'fave' brands publishes new scent of course I want to sniff it and if it's good enough I want it and possibly buy it.
I've been hating Chanel's scents quite long, I mean have you ever sniffed them?? And when I sniffed Bleu I was really really surprised that it was actually really good! And I also enjoy mixing scents and making 'my own' scent. My most common mixing is CK/Beckham.

In my opinion scents are something that I go just crazy. Seriously if I find a scent that I just fell in love I end up being just so crazy and high. And I have good sense of smell so it might be one of the things that I enjoy different kind of scents so much. And my memory is also related to smells and scents. For example I can get anxiety code (....just checked that from dictionary .__.;;) if I smell my ex's most commonly used fragrance (like I just did last Saturday).
Of course all scents 'brand' to something and sometimes I become immune to my those fragrances that I use. I cannot smell them, because I've used it so many times. That's why I try to use different scents as often as possible. Because I want to smell the good scent as well :'D !!

And I hope that everyone knows that you should never buy scent by it's first notes.
There are 3 layers, and 3 scents/ingredient in one layer.
The first ones are usually quite pungent. And then when you let it breathe a bit, it becomes more delicate and the 'real' scent is revealed. and finally after a day. Like let's say if you put it on morning, it will be it's last stage in evening. The last notes that are so much more delicate that they are hard to smell.
Good example of that kind of scent is Boss Just Different. I barely could breathe when first notes hit. But second layer was way more better and actually good. It was really intense scent!
And same goes on where you put the scent. It smells different on your skin, on paper thingy where you spray it in shop or in clothes.
So picking 'the perfect' scent is not so easy. I usually spray it on the paper thingie, then shake it widely so the first notes are't so pungent. After sniffing the first layer smell I put it in my pocket, even if it wasn't so good. And later same day I sniff it again. That's how I have found many good ones! They get better.
After that if I like it a lot, I try it on my skin (usually wrist) and hope it's still good :)

Finally I wrote this post n__n Ah!
Also you might have noticed that I have changed font and added "Rent a Movie:" -page. I listed all my movies. So if you want me to rate/tell about any of them, I'm happy to do so.
But that's only the ones that I HAVE. I've seen so many movies that I couldn't possibly keep track on all of them! XD

-Cakey


Edit. 5:37 pm ... I bought the Armani's fragrance ♥ 

Just one drink.

So you guys are getting TWO posts in reeeally short time.
To be honest I've been planning to write about this subject SO many times. But I'm really ashamed to actually open it to public, or to anyone.
But I just have to get it out of my system. That's how I deal with my thoughts.

So yeah, this post pretty much is only about alcohol and drinking.

For me, it's quite complicated. I have these phases that I consume so much alcohol that it hurts, and then I can be without a drop for very long time. And right now I have bad feeling that I'm getting started to consume more and more.

At this point before 'really' starting for those who are not from Finland,in here you can drink at age of 18, and get 'strong' booze (21%) at age 21. And we can get drivers licence at age of 18 as well.

How about we begin from the beginning?

I have been raised with "You can taste everything, but drugs" -method. And I remember that I have been 'tasting' from my moms drinks from really early ages. And at this point tasting means really tiny sip.
So I never had to like hide or be ashamed to ask anything related to it.

And first 'real' experiments with alcohol was in junior high school. I think I was somewhere between 12-13. So I was young. And my liver has never been really healthy, because of my medication on my childhood.
And the first experiments were of course with my best friend Nelly. We stole few ciders from our moms and like that and drank them when nobody was around.
And well since we were that young, you can guess that we got pretty drunk from one or two ciders.

We also stole some of the strong ones from liquor cabinet and mixed them onto soda. And filled the bottles with water so that the folks didn't notice. And every time either of our moms were away and we had house empty we partied together.

Also it was pretty easy to get booze from older friends, or from friends older siblings. Or just asked from random persons if they would buy booze for us.
And now that I start to think, my first REAL drunk moment was this firework event that Finland has every year. And I had six pack of pineapple cider. And I only drank like 3. And was totally wasted, well in my opinion.

One good thing I have to say, I have rarely hangover. Even if I have drank like really much. But like those times I can count with fingers!

I think we were first ones from our 'friend circle/group' to get drunk and do stupid stuff. But it was fun, we had so much fun and I would take that time back anytime!

Later on during Junior High our friends started to drink too, and I started smoking as well.
By that time my mom had scolded me so many times about drinking that she didn't care, or well was too tired to scold me. As she put it "don't do it with those people who you don't know and ALWAYS take care of everybody who's with you!"... I mean she couldn't stop me, and when she found out that most of her booze was water she got mad and yelled me that if I'm gonna drink I have to buy my own booze and leave her booze alone.

I know that most of you might get a little weird and wrong image of my mom. But she was so cool, and most of my friends were partly jealous because of that. I mean they was drinking behind their parents back and it was like totally not allowed and my mom scoffed and gave bad look.
I mean she did try her everything, she grounded me and took my phone away and all that stuff. But they don't stop me doing what I want. I have always been "terrible kid" "toxic waste" and many other funny nicknames for me being disobedient and breaking every rule that I can,just to annoy everyone!

At this age me and my bestie started uh, experimenting our sexualities. And one point the drinking was just an excuse to make out. But all that was put on tab of being wasted and it didn't mean anything... yeah, right.
We both secretly loved each others,but c'mon we weren't gay. Or at least admitted it.
And later on I fell in love with this one girl on internet whom I rarely talked because I was afraid to get rejected. And that point I realized that I need to come out of the closet. But yeah I love boys too so, I have both options ;)
It took quite a long while from my bestie to admit she's (at least) bi. And still she tries to claim she's straight, and we're together.

Well then there were this one legendary pre-Christmas party. And nobody wont shut up about it, even thought it happened like what 3-5 years ago(??).
I got really really drunk. I drank bottle of Salty licorice liquor (it's about 15%, and bottle was 0,5 l) and couple of long drinks along with Pisang (It's green colored banana liquor, about 15% as well, almost drank whole bottle). And I kinda did most embarrassing thing I have EVER done so far.
I get quite needy and horny when I'm drunk and begged my friends to make out with me.
Then I kinda hit my good friends 'fresh' ex girlfriend (they had broke up like 2 days before that).
And just note, when I don't get with good, I take what I want. I wouldn't be surprised if some point of my life I'll be sued for sexual harassment.
And my best friend got so angry for her that she almost attacked her. Or so I heard next day.
So yeah I don't have almost any memories from that night, just tons of rumors and stories.
And that was the first time I threw up, because of alcohol. And I passed out.
Then I got my reputations of being a quite drinker.

And I don't get drunk easily, my immune for it has grown onto really high.

After that party I started to date with that girl who I kinda molested XD.... But just because she wanted. I did not love her, nor even liked her. I just agreed, and told her that this is one side relationship and she agreed. And I also quit drinking at that point and well we had on-off relationship. and during that I started to try drink again. Slowly but firmly, because I could taste the alcohol in cider and in everything and it made me want to puke. But then I gained my drinking ability back at one halloween party, but I didn't overdose with it for a long time.
So my girlfriend didn't like that I drank. And partly because of her I didn't.
But when we finally broke up for good. And it was on my 18th birthday. I had a total mental break-down and hey I could buy alcohol legally now. And I had gotten like A LOT of money so I drank and drank.
And I was like almost every weekend, sometimes during week as well at bar and I drank with at least 100-200€. I was mainly wasted every time I had chance.
And when I started driving school at spring and you need to take the basic medical test for it. I got so much points in the mental & alcohol test that I needed my own doctors statement that I wasn't alcoholic.
That's when my doctor and therapist actually found out that I had a serious drinking problem. I didn't believe them. I mean, yeah I was aware of my drinking habits. When I drink I drink a lot. But I'm not addicted to it, I can stop anytime, but I don't want to. I want to numb my feelings and get away.
Bad thing is that I get really emotional and I cut myself more likely when I'm drunk. But I told them that this is just a phase, a phase when I drink more than I should. And I can be without it for long time, I just need to stop. And I think that I stopped drinking during summer so I was wasted most of the spring.
I drank everyday at least two drinks, usually more and my one weeks "dose/portion" was around 20-40 (depends if I was at bar).. And it's clearly above the alcoholic rate.

Then came the 'normal' season. I drank rarely, but much at one time. And then I had dry season. I don't even remember when I was at bar last time.My and my (current) girlfriend have this one restaurant that we go and drink there about once a month at least. Depends how much money we have :'D. We're regulars there.
But I don't even feel like drinking anymore. And when I do drink it is still to numb my feelings, and still it ain't working.  So I started out as a happy drunk now I'm just sad and angsty drunk. And I'm ashamed to be what I have become. But I cannot change the past. And I lost quite many friends because of my drinking habits, and the rest I lost because of unknown reason.
I'm not sure if I should or not write this here, but it's still part of the subject. I just haven't talk about it with anyone yet.
My current drinking habits have changed a bit. My GF likes to drink, and usually when we see, we end up drinking. And she wants me to drink as well, but I don't really want to. Okay I DO want to have maybe 1 or 2 drinks, if there's something I like. But then after those I don't want to.But I keep drinking because she wants me to. I really should talk about this to her & to my therapist, but I can't for some reason.
I always think that "Today I'll talk about it", and then....nothing. I just can't :( .....
Fucking emotional locks. I'm slave of my habits. And change is hard.

So yeah that's my story from past ~6 years. I'm not even 20 yet and I've been alcoholic.

-note: Started to write this June 1st. And finished writing 3rd day.